Those Who Surround Us

MJ noted that my last post didn't have the same enthusiastic voice my previous ones have had. And I guess that's because I have been pretty down this week. I'm sick again, which is particularly frustrating because I've been eating so healthy and taking vitamins every day. And just as my knee was getting better and I was ready to hit the gym hardcore, I'm out sick again.

And, probably a bigger contributor, I've been saddened by a number of people close to me in the past few weeks. I tend to care too much about people, so it hits me a bit harder than it should. And that's where the last paragraph from my last post originated - I'm realizing these pains will no longer be just mine, but will be MJ's as well. Of course we'll continue to have our own friends, but the people we choose to have in our lives will contribute to a shared environment. We both care greatly for our family and friends and want to continue to cultivate all of these relationships. But, when you're making time for a new marriage, each other's families, and each other's friends in addition to your own family and friends, we'll just have to let go of some things and some people. Which is really sad for me. Like I said, I care too much about people, so seeing them go is not easy. To give you an example, I'm in consulting, so we change projects every few months. It took me years before I didn't get teary-eyed when someone would leave a project. I still get emotional when I, myself leave one, because I just get attached to the people I work with. And these are just co-workers! ;)

On the other hand, some people have really surprised me in a positive way as well. And, again, looking around the room at our engagement party and seeing so many people who have been a part of our relationship and each of our lives celebrating this moment was amazing. It made me realize we will not be in this alone and that we go into this next phase in our lives with good friends and family standing beside us, though they may not be who we always expected to be there. I know it's somewhat cheesy, but it means a lot when we're dealing with the stresses of wedding planning and house-buying on top of the usual daily stresses. Knowing that people are in this with us and are wishing us the best helps to not be overwhelmed. If it felt that way seeing 30 people toasting us, I can't imagine how it will feel seeing 200 people at our wedding!!! Maybe MJ's right - I would regret it one day if we didn't have an actual wedding...

In terms of wedding planning, I've been looking at designs for wedding outfits and for photographers. There is such a wide range for both. They both seem so expensive too. I've seen a few outfits I liked, but mostly think I'd need to try them on to really know how they look. The way they have models sit in these pictures, you can barely see the outfits! The photographers vary so much in style as well. I'm drawn to the more artsy look, but I'm not sure it captures the overall event as well. Also, I suspect less people attending would be captured in these types of photographs, and I would want to remember everyone there. I finally saw a videographer I really liked, but it was insanely expensive for a 30 min film. For those of you who are married, do you ever watch the wedding video? I feel like you can use the pictures to decorate your house or send to family, but what do you do with the video? My family always took a bunch of home videos growing up and we've rarely watched any of them.

As I type this, MJ's at the place we have an offer on with an engineer, getting it inspected! I hope everything comes up clean, especially since it's so old. We're so excited about this place, but trying not to get our hopes up. MJ's been surprised how uninterested I am in the finances of the whole home-buying process. Luckily, he's been doing his research! I hope we get this place. It's supposed to be featured in the New York Times this Sunday, which may throw a wrench in our planning, but would be a cool keepsake if it doesn't!

Cheers

Well the engagement party was a great success! Everyone seemed to have a really great time and the weekend with my best friend and her husband was so much fun. (Our brothers couldn't make it in because of the insane snow storm.) It was really nice to see an entire room full of our loved ones so happy for us. The space at Pravda was also really great and the staff was good to us. We did a champagne toast with everyone, which was so great... except one thing. All of a sudden, everyone expected us to give an actual toast. You know, like a speech. Of course MJ just started giggling, so I had to come up with something. I'm absolutely terrible with public speaking and I believe that thoroughly showed through. I told MJ we should start planning ahead for these things because I suspect these unexpected shining moments of public speaking will be making their appearance again over the next few months.

We had planned to go to DC next weekend so MJ could finally see the venue and I could talk with my parents about all the planning, but with how fast things are moving with the co-op they were thinking of coming down here to see the place. But, with the crazy snow storms in both NYC and DC, I (and my mom) suspect there will be no travel in either direction. But I'm definitely going the weekend after (MJ has a bachelor party) for a tasting and to meet with decorators.

I honestly haven't done much with wedding planning. My family's in DC and completely snowbound. MJ and I, on the other hand, have been focusing on house-hunting in the mean time. Actually, it's more like house-buying :) We found a fantastic co-op in a real 120-yr old Park Slope brownstone that's renovated and in our price range. It's a good size and has lots of natural light. Our offer was accepted on Saturday before the party, so we're now dealing with mortgage brokers, lawyers, inspection engineers, etc. All very adult! The process is very complicated, but I really hope we get the place!

Speaking of being adult, I'm starting to realize what a heavy thing getting married is. It's not just the next phase in our relationship, it really is the next phase in our lives. I feel a kind of gravity about having to act with maturity and make decisions that are right for me and my future husband. It's a bit overwhelming, but exciting nonetheless.

Let the Discussions Begin

I am SUPER excited that my best friend and her husband are flying in for our engagement party! I know I can't expect this kind of stuff all the time, but I can still be really excited when it happens :) It makes me feel super-special and even more excited about the party! I'm so touched!

I mentioned in my last post that my family discussed the wedding quite a bit last weekend. It was interesting that some of the things that one of us was taking for granted wasn't so obvious to every one else. One good example was that I wanted to take pictures after the wedding. I think this is probably the Western influence in me, but I figured if I spend more than an hour getting ready, I should have some frame-worthy portrait type shots. We're also not doing engagement pictures or anything. On the other hand, my dad was even surprised I'd need to change clothes between the wedding and reception! This makes sense, because in India there's traditionally only one outfit and the wedding and reception kind of blend into one another. This also led to a decision of whether to do the wedding and reception right after one another or to give guests a break to change, then come back. I can't recall an Indian wedding in the US that didn't give people a break, but, again, it's not traditionally how it's done in the Motherland.

Another good example was the gift discussion. I remembered that my mom had mentioned in the past that she didn't like gift registries, so I asked what she thought we should do. My parents both replied that they didn't think we should get gifts. Not "no boxed gifts," but no gifts altogether. I was really surprised as I'd never heard of that at any wedding. My mom thought that if we didn't ask for gifts, only really close people would bring something and it would be from the heart. I disagreed and thought if we didn't say anything people would either bring whatever they wanted or cash. I really want to avoid waste and thought if people brought whatever they wanted, it would lead to duplicate items or things we wouldn't/couldn't use. Then you feel bad getting rid of it because it's a wedding gift, but you now have 10 gravy boats and no coffee maker or whatever. So the "no gifts" idea didn't seem practical. None of us liked the "no boxed gifts" option where people only bring cash, though it is getting more and more popular and is definitely the most practical. (No judgment, but asking for cash just seems a bit cold to me.) I figured we do need items to set up a "home" and it would be nice to look around and remember the loved ones who gave them to you. My mom's point was that, if you do a registry, who cares who paid for it, you picked it out! LOL Fun discussions!

Colors have also made for interesting discussion. I had wanted to use mustard and deep purple as my reception colors because they were Indiany, but totally different. But, apparently, purple is considered inauspicious, so that's out. I just didn't want to use the standard red and gold that's used at most Indian weddings. Unfortunately, my mom is pulling the auspicious card, and thinks the reception should be red and yellow. LOL I also made a great (electronic) save the date that was an artsy black & white photo of an Indian bride with red script on it. I absolutely loved it and sent it to my family. I was so excited to hear what they'd have to say about how cool it was! The first comment back? It'd be better if it was colorful.

Actually I was kind of sad about the last one. I'm finding the things I've been most interested in are the venue and the electronic stuff. The latter means the Save the Date, the website, and the slideshow so far. I know my brother will do an awesome job with the slideshow, but I'm afraid the Save the Date will end up being pretty typical and the website will be too formal. But we'll see. And the venue really is awesome! I ended up having to scrap the first website I created, because they (firstphera.com) put a massive banner at the bottom when other people look at it, which was annoying. I've decided to go with weddingwire.com instead. Though it's not as Indian looking, they do online RSVPs for free and have flash intros and lots of cool free aps. We'll see if I end up changing it again. I've gone through MANY options.

Where to Go? Everywhere!

As much as I never fantasized about my wedding, I have dreamt about my honeymoon for as long as I can remember. I love to travel and I guess I see a honeymoon as the ultimate vacation. Cost is less of an issue than usual, and people do things they wouldn't normally - swim with the dolphins, stay in a hut on a remote beach, explore a cave with a flashlight, visit a monastery at sunrise, etc. I used to always say I'd take a 3-month honeymoon when I finally got married, go to multiple countries, and just explore. So you can imagine that the honeymoon destination conversation has been a big one with MJ. Unfortunately, reality strikes and 3 months is more likely to be 2 weeks (though I have suggested on occasion that I could continue on the honeymoon without him...this idea was not well received). MJ really wants to go to Hawaii. He gets so excited thinking about exploring a volcano it makes me laugh. I wouldn't mind Hawaii, but it doesn't excite me as much. I was pushing for Australia/New Zealand on the pretense that it's so far that we're unlikely to go again for some time. Plus, his cousin has a beach house in New Zealand he's told us we could use. But it'll likely be winter there when we go, so that's not quite as compelling. I'm also trying to put Thailand, Bali, Morocco, and the Galapagos Islands in the mix. (Let me know if you have other ideas!) MJ also wants to include South America, Greece, and Japan, so I think we've covered almost every continent! It's such a big decision! I wish we could go everywhere! Until we have a confirmed date, it doesn't make sense to try to decide on a honeymoon, but honestly I'm more excited about confirming it! ;)

Speaking of dates... though we don't have a final date, it looks more and more like it'll be either 6/26 or 8/21. Woohoo! To finalize our date options, I had to call a panditji's cell phone yesterday, which was an interesting experience. But we got what we needed and everyone seems comfortable with these options. I'm hoping for 8/21 to give us a little more time to plan and it seems like a better date for a honeymoon and future anniversary trips :) We're still researching invitations as well. My mom wants them printed on both sides (Hindi on one, English on the other), which may limit our options. Some of them are so pretty, I'd really like to see some physically.

The funny thing about being the first in my family to get married is all the unknowns. Luckily I have a few friends who have been helpful and willing to share their information. Both got married in TX, one a year ago and one three years ago. My mom has a few good friends she can ask as well. But it's a touchy subject with some and we don't want to make anyone uncomfortable by asking them certain questions. Which makes it hard to find out stuff - like how much are you supposed to spend on flowers? How much jewelry should we buy? What are the challenges with getting invitations printed in India?

The other exciting news is that we setup our engagement party! We were able to confirm the upstairs bar at Pravda for a celebratory drink with some friends the night before the Superbowl. I think MJ and my brothers are going to stay to watch the game together too! We sent out invites using pingg, which I like so much better than evite. So far it sounds like people liked it better as well and quite a few will be able to come. I'm looking forward to it!

We Still Haven't Celebrated!

The date seems to be coming together, though it's really soon, so it's a bit overwhelming for my family. MJ and I will go there in 2 weeks to see the location too. Hopefully we'll be able to confirm it then! Once the date and venue are set, everything else can start to come together as well. But, basically I'm planning on being in VA like every other weekend! I'd originally hoped to look for a condo while wedding planning, but I don't think we'll have time any more. That may have to be a newlywed activity...

Today's first challenge (besides my continuing health stuff) was looking for a location for an engagement celebration. I got in touch with a million places to book a private party after looking at reviews, etc. There are two options now that are available, and we're waiting to hear back from a few others. (We're not doing a massive celebration, just a toast with a few close friends.) The date also had to change as my parents are coming here next weekend to meet MJ's before they leave for India and MJ and I are going to VA the weekend after to look at venues and meet with other vendors. So hopefully we can do it the weekend after or the night before the Superbowl. I also made the invitations on pingg.com, though we'll send it out only when we're sure about the location.

The next task for the day was setting up a wedding website. We wanted something free and Indian-looking, but not cheesy. We chose firstphera.com's Black Magic theme. So, yes, I've officially signed up for theknot.com and firstphera.com, two wedding websites. Scary! We don't have much on the site yet, but it's ready to go. Our good friend takes beautiful photographs and agreed to take some engagement pics of us, which we're hoping to use on the site as well.

Another challenge with having a wedding so soon is that our original plan for wedding invitations may not pan out. My mom and I are going to India in April and had planned to buy them there. But, if the wedding is in June, we won't be able to send them out in time. So I've been looking around online to see what the cost difference really is. My best friend, who got married three years ago, said the difference wasn't huge and she got hers made in the US. So another thing to research! There are so many different types as well! It's a bit daunting to try to pick just one. And is it supposed to match the colors and theme of the rest of the wedding?

My mom and I also started discussing some of the details about the mandap, favors, and colors. So far we agree on all of the things we discussed, but we're not finalizing anything or picking specific items yet! ;)