Starting to See the Vision

As I said, I finally started feeling better on Wednesday. I still worked from home and didn't do anything in the evening, but returned to work on Thursday. And, man, was there a lot waiting for me! It was a very busy day and I really wasn't feeling 100% yet. Then we had a going away dinner for my co-worker and I met some friends at a book-signing afterwards. I didn't get home until 12:30 and was exhausted! I was still feeling overwhelmed on Friday, had a networking event after work, dinner with MJ, then met another co-worker and his fiance for drinks. AND I had a 7:30 train to DC on Sat morning for a packed weekend of wedding planning! Not much time to catch my breath.

I hadn't been doing much wedding stuff recently, due to the co-op purchasing activities, but my family has continued with full steam. So this weekend we met decorators went to an Indian bridal tasting event. We found a decorator we really like and are working to agree upon the contract now. Hearing her ideas and her description of how the day would look started to make it seem real. I started to finally get excited about the day because I can't wait to see it. Right now it's all words and pictures, but it'll be awesome to see everything come together!

The decorating company advertises themselves as a mother-daughter team. The mother started the company 26 yrs ago and specializes in flowers, while the daughter is 30 and has taken over the decorating. It's interesting interacting with an ABCD in the wedding industry. I've heard that it's becoming more common, which makes sense, since the local wedding markets are full of brides who are also ABCDs. It's somewhat comforting talking to someone who understands the traditions, but has the same aesthetic. (She was SOOO much better than the other decorator, who just sat there waiting for me to tell her exactly what I want. I also suspect most of her images were stolen, especially since she kept alluding to the fact that all decorators did the same thing.)

The other big thing this week was that I sent the Save the Date out! We've gotten great feedback and I think MJ is probably going to use the same one for his side as well. I'm really happy with how it turned out!

I've also been spending a lot of time and energy looking for photographers. We realized our budget was too low for photographers, so we've increased it, but it's still hard to find someone. I've heard from quite a few people that you should find photographers based on recommendations, but we don't know that many people in the area. I'm planning on spending most of Saturday talking with different photographers that I've already been communicating with over email and whose websites I've combed thoroughly. I guess you can only tell so much over a website though. One of my requirements is that they've done at least one wedding with Indians, so that they have an idea of our traditions and what's important to us. But I still really like the artsy, photojournalist look. Unfortunately, so does everyone else, so it's pretty expensive. ;)

My weight loss endeavors have been less than fruitful. I'm still at -7 lbs, which is nothing. I'm having a lot of issues with going to the gym due to my knee. MJ got me a yoga ball at home, which has helped, but it's not enough. The ironic thing is that this week both my dad and a co-worker commented that I look like I've lost weight! Another contributing factor to my inability to go to the gym is that I was having issues sleeping last week, as I was having quite a few nightmares. However, I talked them out with MJ, did some research on why I may be having them, and things seem to have calmed down. In fact, lately I've been having good dreams about engagement portraits and getting together with family!

One sad thing is that, the day before we were to sign the contract for the co-op we liked, we decided to retract our offer. My dad and Maneesh convinced me that it's not the right buy. We found out on Friday that we effectively couldn't rent it out, which basically means we'd have to sell if we wanted to move. And we may lose money if we want to sell in less than 7-10 years, given the market and economy (my dad printed out some scary articles to drive his point home), but the place is probably too small to be there for that long. Especially with the possibility of kids at some point in the next few years. Also, we haven't lived together yet, so we don't really know what we need from a space yet. So, basically, it was the right thing to do. But it makes me sad because I was really really really looking forward to building a home with my husband. MJ and I talked about it yesterday and he's assured me we'll get a nice apartment and we'll still make it a home for us. So I definitely feel a bit better.
 
Btw, I was totally wrong about Committed. It's not that great and kind of freaks me out with all the statistics about why marriage is so awful :(

Feeling Good Again... Finally

Ahhhhhhhhhh I feel like I'm letting out a long-held deep hot breath of negativity and breathing in cool winds of much needed positive energy. I've been sick and bummed and just generally no fun for a while and today I woke up feeling... refreshed, reenergized, happy. Go team! (Imagine me thrusting my fist into the air as I say that, because I literally did just that this morning. Oh yeah!)

I don't know why. Nothing changed. I was so pissed at the medical profession yesterday, and was so exhausted that I had to take a taxi home from work (I finally went in for a half day). But it may have something to the fact I was up and around for the first time in almost a week, and actually talking to humans other than MJ. I even talked to my mom and my best friend about wedding stuff for as long as my aching throat would allow.

Both of them have been looking for styles of wedding outfits for me (so nice!). There are so many, but the websites are really terrible. They don't show enough detail, enough views, or even enough options. It's really overwhelming, especially when you don't have a specific idea in your head. Even just basic things like the color to wear are so confusing. First, the wedding - ok, Indian brides wear red, right? No biggie! Wrong - there are so many shades and you can go pinker or more magenta or more maroon. Oi! And the reception? The options are endless! And the decision drives the colors for the reception and the accents on the groom's clothes. So much to think about! Then you have to think how heavy it should be, how modern, how revealing, how showy. Indian brides in India tend to wear more blingy clothes than Indian brides in America. I suspect I'm more conservative than most as well. But I also HATE shopping, so I wish I just knew what I wanted and we could just get it sewn there. LOL

My mom also told me that my favorite cousin and her entire family are planning to come from India for the wedding! I'd really hoped they would, but my mom told me last week they may not be able to. So it was really nice to hear that she'd be there - it wouldn't feel like my wedding without her. She's really like a sister to me and, as I've noted before, I'm realizing more and more how important my family is in this whole process. I hope everyone can make it!

So, in terms of weight loss, this month has not been as successful as last. I want to lose 5 lbs/month and I lost 6 last month. But, in February, I've only lost .5 so far :( Mainly due to the engagement celebrations, then getting sick. I'm hoping to make it back to the gym on Fri morning. Fingers crossed.
 

My brother also found out that Gmail now allows you to embed images in emails through a feature in Google Labs. So we're all set to send out the Save the Date! It looks great! I'm thinking of sending it this Sunday, as it'll be exactly 6 months before the wedding date. Scary, eh?

Becoming a Bride

So things have been MUCH better since my spoiled brat moment last weekend. In fact, it made me realize how great MJ and I are together, which has made me very full of love for him since our fight :) It's really nice being with someone who always makes you smile, and gets your crazy moments, but loves you anyway.

I had an "a-ha!" moment this past weekend though. All my married friends have told me "You don't think you'll care about the details, but you'll see. You'll end up caring so much about the smallest things." So I've been working on the Save the Date and website and was showing it to my family and MJ for their input. MJ asked if the website could have music and I'd totally forgot to add it. But I had no idea of what song to put on! And that was when it happened - I could care less what song went on the site, but since I had to pick one, I wanted it to be a good one. ...one that represented us, was romantic, but not cheesy, not too spirited, etc. And I realized it was happening to me! I don't care what song it is, but since I have to pick one, it has to be good. I ended up spending an hour trying to find a song and ended up on one that is super-cheesy, not at all us, and I'm not even sure I like! I was just so irritated with the process! MJ even said "we can always add music later," but I wanted the site to look great right when we launched it. Any suggestions are welcome. (not including Empire State of Mind, which has already been rejected!)

I'd been trying to decide whether or not we should have bridesmaids and groomsmen in the wedding. I like the way they look in weddings and know MJ's very close to his friends, but it's not necessarily Indian tradition. I've heard a lot of varying opinions, but have finally decided not to. Seeing and hearing the responses over the last month, I'm realizing even more how important family is, especially during a wedding and subsequent marriage. My family has been absolutely ecstatic for me. They've been calling and emailing, even Facebooking MJ! (My cousin even offered to host our engagement party at his place!) Relatives are planning on coming for the wedding from all over the world. I've been so incredibly touched. Their overwhelming response from my family has made me realize they are much more a part of this event than my friends, who of course have their own lives and priorities. At the end of the day, the event is about us actually joining each other's families, so it only makes sense that it should be about them.

Of course our engagement has been really special to some of our friends as well. We received an actual engagement gift last week! It was so adult and unexpected! And, as I said, I'm ridiculously excited and touched that my best friend and her husband are flying in for our engagement party. Just general happiness all around! I need to get my hands on some awesome thank you cards :)

MJ and I have been discussing our first dance as well. He wants to do something a bit unorthodox, but I'm not sure if it will look unclassy. (And, no, I'm not telling you what it is, because it's going to be a surprise if we do!) His point is that the first dance should be about us and what we feel comfortable with. So, ya, he's basically saying, we're not classy, why should we pretend to be for some froofy dance?

The Save the Date is almost done too. We're just figuring out the best way to send it out. I'll post it here when we're done. I do feel a bit bad because I took the photo off the internet and it's probably someone's work. Part of me says it's wrong to steal from an artist. Another part of me says they're a chump for not protecting it on the internet, so it's fair game. I'm going to listen to that part of me because I'm not creative or talented enough to make one myself...

Venue and Date Booked

So, unfortunately, my mom got very sick last week, so MJ and I couldn't go to Reston. Besides being concerned about her, it was too bad because MJ couldn't see the venue and it was our last chance to talk through things with my dad before he left for a 2 week trip to Germany. But the good news is we agreed on a contract with the venue last week and booked Rose Hill Manor for August 21st! And my parents talked to the pandit in Austin we wanted and he's available as well!

The pandit is actually a family friend we've known for a very long time. My mom was very close to him and his wife (she used to call my mom her other daughter), but his wife recently passed away. He conducts weddings for most of our family friends in Austin and is very good - the perfect blend of religious gravity and inclusion of non-Hindus. As an added benefit, he's Marathi, like MJ's family! So they're really happy that he'll know their traditions as well.

Another side effect of my mom getting sick is that we put the Save the Date on hold until she was better to give an opinion. I don't mind the picture thing as much anymore and we're still looking around for the right look. I want it to look Indian, but kind of through a Western artsy lens. Hopefully we'll get it ready soon. The other thing I've been realizing lately is that most couples seem to put a picture of themselves on their Save the Date, something I hadn't even thought of. That puts an added level of pressure on it, because we'd have to find the right type of picture and then also make sure we both look good. Or we take a new one to send out, which will definitely make us both nervous!
Speaking of pictures, our really good friend, who's an amazing photographer, agreed to take some engagement pictures of us. Unfortunately, the weather's been so gross that it hasn't been possible. I'm really looking forward to it though, as I think they'll be so personal and beautiful! A lot of people also recommend getting engagement portraits done by your wedding photographer before the wedding, so that they can get to know the couple better and you can use the pics at the wedding for display and to add personal touches. So I've also started researching photographers.

In other fantastic news, I've already lost 4.5 lbs since MJ and I got engaged!!! And this is after only going to the gym once! I've just changed my eating habits and it made that much of a difference. I still have a very long way to go, but it's very motivating. Unfortunately, I seem to have sprained my knee on Saturday, so the full force gym action is a little slower than expected. I went this morning and had to hobble home in pain after a lackluster workout. I'm trying to convince MJ it's ok to take Alli to help me lose weight, but he's dead set against it. I'm not even sure if I would, but it would be nice to have some help, especially as a vegetarian.

We've also started condo hunting in my neighborhood. We're not sure whether we should look for a 2 bedroom or a large 1 bedroom, though we're leaning towards the latter, especially if it has a den/office space we could use for guests if needed. We figure we'll be staying there for 3-5 years, so it's not like we need to find the place we plan on staying in forever and raising kids in it or anything. Kids? Yikes! Let's take it one step at a time!

Let the Discussions Begin

I am SUPER excited that my best friend and her husband are flying in for our engagement party! I know I can't expect this kind of stuff all the time, but I can still be really excited when it happens :) It makes me feel super-special and even more excited about the party! I'm so touched!

I mentioned in my last post that my family discussed the wedding quite a bit last weekend. It was interesting that some of the things that one of us was taking for granted wasn't so obvious to every one else. One good example was that I wanted to take pictures after the wedding. I think this is probably the Western influence in me, but I figured if I spend more than an hour getting ready, I should have some frame-worthy portrait type shots. We're also not doing engagement pictures or anything. On the other hand, my dad was even surprised I'd need to change clothes between the wedding and reception! This makes sense, because in India there's traditionally only one outfit and the wedding and reception kind of blend into one another. This also led to a decision of whether to do the wedding and reception right after one another or to give guests a break to change, then come back. I can't recall an Indian wedding in the US that didn't give people a break, but, again, it's not traditionally how it's done in the Motherland.

Another good example was the gift discussion. I remembered that my mom had mentioned in the past that she didn't like gift registries, so I asked what she thought we should do. My parents both replied that they didn't think we should get gifts. Not "no boxed gifts," but no gifts altogether. I was really surprised as I'd never heard of that at any wedding. My mom thought that if we didn't ask for gifts, only really close people would bring something and it would be from the heart. I disagreed and thought if we didn't say anything people would either bring whatever they wanted or cash. I really want to avoid waste and thought if people brought whatever they wanted, it would lead to duplicate items or things we wouldn't/couldn't use. Then you feel bad getting rid of it because it's a wedding gift, but you now have 10 gravy boats and no coffee maker or whatever. So the "no gifts" idea didn't seem practical. None of us liked the "no boxed gifts" option where people only bring cash, though it is getting more and more popular and is definitely the most practical. (No judgment, but asking for cash just seems a bit cold to me.) I figured we do need items to set up a "home" and it would be nice to look around and remember the loved ones who gave them to you. My mom's point was that, if you do a registry, who cares who paid for it, you picked it out! LOL Fun discussions!

Colors have also made for interesting discussion. I had wanted to use mustard and deep purple as my reception colors because they were Indiany, but totally different. But, apparently, purple is considered inauspicious, so that's out. I just didn't want to use the standard red and gold that's used at most Indian weddings. Unfortunately, my mom is pulling the auspicious card, and thinks the reception should be red and yellow. LOL I also made a great (electronic) save the date that was an artsy black & white photo of an Indian bride with red script on it. I absolutely loved it and sent it to my family. I was so excited to hear what they'd have to say about how cool it was! The first comment back? It'd be better if it was colorful.

Actually I was kind of sad about the last one. I'm finding the things I've been most interested in are the venue and the electronic stuff. The latter means the Save the Date, the website, and the slideshow so far. I know my brother will do an awesome job with the slideshow, but I'm afraid the Save the Date will end up being pretty typical and the website will be too formal. But we'll see. And the venue really is awesome! I ended up having to scrap the first website I created, because they (firstphera.com) put a massive banner at the bottom when other people look at it, which was annoying. I've decided to go with weddingwire.com instead. Though it's not as Indian looking, they do online RSVPs for free and have flash intros and lots of cool free aps. We'll see if I end up changing it again. I've gone through MANY options.