MJ noted that my last post didn't have the same enthusiastic voice my previous ones have had. And I guess that's because I have been pretty down this week. I'm sick again, which is particularly frustrating because I've been eating so healthy and taking vitamins every day. And just as my knee was getting better and I was ready to hit the gym hardcore, I'm out sick again.
And, probably a bigger contributor, I've been saddened by a number of people close to me in the past few weeks. I tend to care too much about people, so it hits me a bit harder than it should. And that's where the last paragraph from my last post originated - I'm realizing these pains will no longer be just mine, but will be MJ's as well. Of course we'll continue to have our own friends, but the people we choose to have in our lives will contribute to a shared environment. We both care greatly for our family and friends and want to continue to cultivate all of these relationships. But, when you're making time for a new marriage, each other's families, and each other's friends in addition to your own family and friends, we'll just have to let go of some things and some people. Which is really sad for me. Like I said, I care too much about people, so seeing them go is not easy. To give you an example, I'm in consulting, so we change projects every few months. It took me years before I didn't get teary-eyed when someone would leave a project. I still get emotional when I, myself leave one, because I just get attached to the people I work with. And these are just co-workers! ;)
On the other hand, some people have really surprised me in a positive way as well. And, again, looking around the room at our engagement party and seeing so many people who have been a part of our relationship and each of our lives celebrating this moment was amazing. It made me realize we will not be in this alone and that we go into this next phase in our lives with good friends and family standing beside us, though they may not be who we always expected to be there. I know it's somewhat cheesy, but it means a lot when we're dealing with the stresses of wedding planning and house-buying on top of the usual daily stresses. Knowing that people are in this with us and are wishing us the best helps to not be overwhelmed. If it felt that way seeing 30 people toasting us, I can't imagine how it will feel seeing 200 people at our wedding!!! Maybe MJ's right - I would regret it one day if we didn't have an actual wedding...
In terms of wedding planning, I've been looking at designs for wedding outfits and for photographers. There is such a wide range for both. They both seem so expensive too. I've seen a few outfits I liked, but mostly think I'd need to try them on to really know how they look. The way they have models sit in these pictures, you can barely see the outfits! The photographers vary so much in style as well. I'm drawn to the more artsy look, but I'm not sure it captures the overall event as well. Also, I suspect less people attending would be captured in these types of photographs, and I would want to remember everyone there. I finally saw a videographer I really liked, but it was insanely expensive for a 30 min film. For those of you who are married, do you ever watch the wedding video? I feel like you can use the pictures to decorate your house or send to family, but what do you do with the video? My family always took a bunch of home videos growing up and we've rarely watched any of them.
As I type this, MJ's at the place we have an offer on with an engineer, getting it inspected! I hope everything comes up clean, especially since it's so old. We're so excited about this place, but trying not to get our hopes up. MJ's been surprised how uninterested I am in the finances of the whole home-buying process. Luckily, he's been doing his research! I hope we get this place. It's supposed to be featured in the New York Times this Sunday, which may throw a wrench in our planning, but would be a cool keepsake if it doesn't!
