Becoming a Bride

So things have been MUCH better since my spoiled brat moment last weekend. In fact, it made me realize how great MJ and I are together, which has made me very full of love for him since our fight :) It's really nice being with someone who always makes you smile, and gets your crazy moments, but loves you anyway.

I had an "a-ha!" moment this past weekend though. All my married friends have told me "You don't think you'll care about the details, but you'll see. You'll end up caring so much about the smallest things." So I've been working on the Save the Date and website and was showing it to my family and MJ for their input. MJ asked if the website could have music and I'd totally forgot to add it. But I had no idea of what song to put on! And that was when it happened - I could care less what song went on the site, but since I had to pick one, I wanted it to be a good one. ...one that represented us, was romantic, but not cheesy, not too spirited, etc. And I realized it was happening to me! I don't care what song it is, but since I have to pick one, it has to be good. I ended up spending an hour trying to find a song and ended up on one that is super-cheesy, not at all us, and I'm not even sure I like! I was just so irritated with the process! MJ even said "we can always add music later," but I wanted the site to look great right when we launched it. Any suggestions are welcome. (not including Empire State of Mind, which has already been rejected!)

I'd been trying to decide whether or not we should have bridesmaids and groomsmen in the wedding. I like the way they look in weddings and know MJ's very close to his friends, but it's not necessarily Indian tradition. I've heard a lot of varying opinions, but have finally decided not to. Seeing and hearing the responses over the last month, I'm realizing even more how important family is, especially during a wedding and subsequent marriage. My family has been absolutely ecstatic for me. They've been calling and emailing, even Facebooking MJ! (My cousin even offered to host our engagement party at his place!) Relatives are planning on coming for the wedding from all over the world. I've been so incredibly touched. Their overwhelming response from my family has made me realize they are much more a part of this event than my friends, who of course have their own lives and priorities. At the end of the day, the event is about us actually joining each other's families, so it only makes sense that it should be about them.

Of course our engagement has been really special to some of our friends as well. We received an actual engagement gift last week! It was so adult and unexpected! And, as I said, I'm ridiculously excited and touched that my best friend and her husband are flying in for our engagement party. Just general happiness all around! I need to get my hands on some awesome thank you cards :)

MJ and I have been discussing our first dance as well. He wants to do something a bit unorthodox, but I'm not sure if it will look unclassy. (And, no, I'm not telling you what it is, because it's going to be a surprise if we do!) His point is that the first dance should be about us and what we feel comfortable with. So, ya, he's basically saying, we're not classy, why should we pretend to be for some froofy dance?

The Save the Date is almost done too. We're just figuring out the best way to send it out. I'll post it here when we're done. I do feel a bit bad because I took the photo off the internet and it's probably someone's work. Part of me says it's wrong to steal from an artist. Another part of me says they're a chump for not protecting it on the internet, so it's fair game. I'm going to listen to that part of me because I'm not creative or talented enough to make one myself...

Let the Discussions Begin

I am SUPER excited that my best friend and her husband are flying in for our engagement party! I know I can't expect this kind of stuff all the time, but I can still be really excited when it happens :) It makes me feel super-special and even more excited about the party! I'm so touched!

I mentioned in my last post that my family discussed the wedding quite a bit last weekend. It was interesting that some of the things that one of us was taking for granted wasn't so obvious to every one else. One good example was that I wanted to take pictures after the wedding. I think this is probably the Western influence in me, but I figured if I spend more than an hour getting ready, I should have some frame-worthy portrait type shots. We're also not doing engagement pictures or anything. On the other hand, my dad was even surprised I'd need to change clothes between the wedding and reception! This makes sense, because in India there's traditionally only one outfit and the wedding and reception kind of blend into one another. This also led to a decision of whether to do the wedding and reception right after one another or to give guests a break to change, then come back. I can't recall an Indian wedding in the US that didn't give people a break, but, again, it's not traditionally how it's done in the Motherland.

Another good example was the gift discussion. I remembered that my mom had mentioned in the past that she didn't like gift registries, so I asked what she thought we should do. My parents both replied that they didn't think we should get gifts. Not "no boxed gifts," but no gifts altogether. I was really surprised as I'd never heard of that at any wedding. My mom thought that if we didn't ask for gifts, only really close people would bring something and it would be from the heart. I disagreed and thought if we didn't say anything people would either bring whatever they wanted or cash. I really want to avoid waste and thought if people brought whatever they wanted, it would lead to duplicate items or things we wouldn't/couldn't use. Then you feel bad getting rid of it because it's a wedding gift, but you now have 10 gravy boats and no coffee maker or whatever. So the "no gifts" idea didn't seem practical. None of us liked the "no boxed gifts" option where people only bring cash, though it is getting more and more popular and is definitely the most practical. (No judgment, but asking for cash just seems a bit cold to me.) I figured we do need items to set up a "home" and it would be nice to look around and remember the loved ones who gave them to you. My mom's point was that, if you do a registry, who cares who paid for it, you picked it out! LOL Fun discussions!

Colors have also made for interesting discussion. I had wanted to use mustard and deep purple as my reception colors because they were Indiany, but totally different. But, apparently, purple is considered inauspicious, so that's out. I just didn't want to use the standard red and gold that's used at most Indian weddings. Unfortunately, my mom is pulling the auspicious card, and thinks the reception should be red and yellow. LOL I also made a great (electronic) save the date that was an artsy black & white photo of an Indian bride with red script on it. I absolutely loved it and sent it to my family. I was so excited to hear what they'd have to say about how cool it was! The first comment back? It'd be better if it was colorful.

Actually I was kind of sad about the last one. I'm finding the things I've been most interested in are the venue and the electronic stuff. The latter means the Save the Date, the website, and the slideshow so far. I know my brother will do an awesome job with the slideshow, but I'm afraid the Save the Date will end up being pretty typical and the website will be too formal. But we'll see. And the venue really is awesome! I ended up having to scrap the first website I created, because they (firstphera.com) put a massive banner at the bottom when other people look at it, which was annoying. I've decided to go with weddingwire.com instead. Though it's not as Indian looking, they do online RSVPs for free and have flash intros and lots of cool free aps. We'll see if I end up changing it again. I've gone through MANY options.

We Still Haven't Celebrated!

The date seems to be coming together, though it's really soon, so it's a bit overwhelming for my family. MJ and I will go there in 2 weeks to see the location too. Hopefully we'll be able to confirm it then! Once the date and venue are set, everything else can start to come together as well. But, basically I'm planning on being in VA like every other weekend! I'd originally hoped to look for a condo while wedding planning, but I don't think we'll have time any more. That may have to be a newlywed activity...

Today's first challenge (besides my continuing health stuff) was looking for a location for an engagement celebration. I got in touch with a million places to book a private party after looking at reviews, etc. There are two options now that are available, and we're waiting to hear back from a few others. (We're not doing a massive celebration, just a toast with a few close friends.) The date also had to change as my parents are coming here next weekend to meet MJ's before they leave for India and MJ and I are going to VA the weekend after to look at venues and meet with other vendors. So hopefully we can do it the weekend after or the night before the Superbowl. I also made the invitations on pingg.com, though we'll send it out only when we're sure about the location.

The next task for the day was setting up a wedding website. We wanted something free and Indian-looking, but not cheesy. We chose firstphera.com's Black Magic theme. So, yes, I've officially signed up for theknot.com and firstphera.com, two wedding websites. Scary! We don't have much on the site yet, but it's ready to go. Our good friend takes beautiful photographs and agreed to take some engagement pics of us, which we're hoping to use on the site as well.

Another challenge with having a wedding so soon is that our original plan for wedding invitations may not pan out. My mom and I are going to India in April and had planned to buy them there. But, if the wedding is in June, we won't be able to send them out in time. So I've been looking around online to see what the cost difference really is. My best friend, who got married three years ago, said the difference wasn't huge and she got hers made in the US. So another thing to research! There are so many different types as well! It's a bit daunting to try to pick just one. And is it supposed to match the colors and theme of the rest of the wedding?

My mom and I also started discussing some of the details about the mandap, favors, and colors. So far we agree on all of the things we discussed, but we're not finalizing anything or picking specific items yet! ;)